2013 Spring Issue 2 (April 19, 2013)
Flatulence, passing gas, breaking wind, ass blast, butt thunder, farting. We all fart, although some of us a lot more than others. And we have all been in situations when we really need to fart, but we happen to be at a funeral, or on a first date.
Does spring actually exist? This question has crossed my mind often lately, because in truth, the recent weather has nearly succeeded in convincing me that the season is a myth. As I write this, I am also looking at a forecast that predicts three to six inches of snow on April 11th.
It’s quite fashionable these days to attack “diversity” as an empty phrase, signifying nothing but the unthinking, bleeding-heart liberalism of an elementary school textbook. It is derided as meaningless newspeak, useful only to directors of HR giving an infinite series of powerpoint presentations. What’s worst is, it’s assumed that the end of “diversity” is just that: a diverse group of faces.
For the second time this year, it is Accepted Students’ Weekend. And for the second time this year, it is snowing on Accepted Students’ Weekend. And not just flurrying--it’s legitimately snowing. Did I mention it’s April?