Seeing as how it is the end of term, although very few people on this campus will admit it, many are worried about what their grades for the term will be. This school is tremendous in that students don’t go around obsessing outwardly about grades and don’t try to achieve at the expense of others, but it’s impossible to deny that we are constantly being evaluated. Unfortunately those terrible three letters: G.P.A. do matter in the real world. But enough about how much grades suck. Since we are always getting evaluated, The Carletonian has decided to return the favor this week as we grade some offices around campus.
ACT Center: A It is amazing the amount of outreach you do and the number of programs you provide to the community. Definitely an amazing part of this college, more people should get involved!
Career Center: B+ You provide tons of great resources and are extremely helpful at connecting current students with alums. But the editors are still unemployed for next year and unfortunately you just can’t get an A if your grader isn’t satisfied.
Student Activities: A Popcorn on Fridays! What more can we say. Also the programs run through their office go off perfectly. You’re here to make us enjoy Carleton, and we do.
ResLife: C- Bats over the summer, flood creates mold in houses, many of your best RAs quit, you build a building and there’s no cell phone service, students live in lounges as rooms?!?!? Sorry but grade inflation is just not acceptable at The Carletonian and not everyone can be above average.
Security: B Many people really dislike you, I mean you can be fun-sponges. But you keep us safe and will drive us to our off-campus houses. The editors would give you an A, but feel that grade might be ridiculed in the CLAP (they like you less than we do). Also some of your student workers also sleep on the job, and it wouldn’t hurt them to smile once in a while.
President’s Office: A+ Poskanzer, you rock, so by the transitive property, your office rocks too.
Athletics: B Some sports are great (Go Women’s soccer!), and some teams win national championships, oh that’s right those would be two of the club ultimate teams. Fund club sports, and let them use trainers! But some teams just struggle, and not many students support athletic teams.
Academics: A- Again some departments are amazing, rigorous, and life changing (Physics), others just aren’t (Philosophy). Since not everywhere is perfect, we can’t give out that elusive A.
Bon Appétit: D I’m pretty sure no one likes you. The only thing you had going for you was you were better than Sodexo, but that was years ago so now your redeeming qualities are gone. You didn’t fail because the food is edible and has nutrition I’m assuming.
Wellness Center: C+ You are in the C range because all you do is supply condoms and taxi vouchers. Aside from that,no one is really cured once they go to you.
Just like all grades (except for the sciences who use real things like numbers to determine grades), there was definitely bias here. Some people will hopefully be pleased by the results, others unfortunately will have to bite the bullet this term and hide the grades from the tuition paying parents (Board of Trustees in this analogy I guess). Just remember there is more to life than grades.
-The editorial represents the views of The Carletonian editors.