1. Cut out the letters and make a ransom note in which you agree to return the pen to that kid in your Calculus class in exchange for excessive amounts of Easy Mac.
2. Make a paper-mache Schiller piñata and fill it with Malt-o-Meal.
3. Stuff it into your jacket to use as added insulation- hey, Minnesota winters are cold.
4. Recycle it-- who says I’m not a tree hugger?
5. Cut out the Top Ten and hang it on your wall with all the other Top Tens that you have hung up from previous issues.
6. Fashion it into an overly preppy cardigan and try to fit in at the St. Olaf cafeteria
7. Save for the next week and then set it on your roommate’s bedstand; they’ll wake up, read the date, and think they’ve been in a week-long coma.
8. Use it as a lurking device--cut peep holes in it, hold it up to pretend you are reading it, but actually watch everything that happens in front of you.
9. Use it as free wrapping paper- typical college student status achieved.
10. Cut out each article and hand them out to small children for Halloween--knowledge is so much sweeter than candy.