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2012 Fall Issue 7 (November 2, 2012)

Top Ten Things I Would Do If I Found a Sack of Potatoes at This Very Moment

November 4, 2012
By Lindsay Rand

1. Make a slew of alarm clocks and hide them on first Libe, then run very far away.

2. Perfect my pumpkin carving abilities, but on a much smaller scale.


3. Create my own alphabet, then make a potato stamp for each symbol and declare potatoes the sole medium of said alphabet.

4. Fill my pockets and walk around like that for the rest of the day--my thighs would be highly accentuated while getting quite the workout.

5. “Make an army of despicable me characters out of them using googly eyes!”
          ---Sarah Hagerty ‘13

6. Feed the whales- unless you are a whale dietician, then you really can’t contest that answer.


7. Skin them, slice them, bake them into a pie and trick people into thinking its an apple pie.

8. Post up in a prime study room on third Libe and be prepared to defend my space with the crude use of guerrilla warfare and potato catapults.

9. Enter the whittling realm and capitalize on the fluctuating market of voodoo dolls.

10. Ponder the deeper existential meaning behind my discovery of a sack of a potatoes, and what that says about me as a person.

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