Speech given by Carolyn Morales '09
Carleton College Commencement, June 13, 2009

Carleton, listen. We should talk. The thing is… well…I just feel like our relationship is at a standstill here. We haven’t been moving forward. I can see that we are losing interest in each other. We’ve just grown apart. I have been mulling this over for a few weeks now, and I think it is best if we part ways. My mom is here – she’s helping me pack up my things and I will be gone by five.

I know what you must be thinking: this is all so sudden. But we both knew deep down that this relationship, although wonderful, was never meant to last. I know it sounds cliché, but please believe me when I say it’s not you – really, it’s me. I have changed so much since we first moved in together. I realized that I am a new person, with new knowledge, interests and friends. I owe so much of that to you, Carleton. But now it is time for me to move on, to use this knowledge and have new experiences without you.

I look back on our first years together and it makes me smile. How young and awkward I was! We met through love letters. You sent me pictures of your hometown, and invited me to visit. After a wonderful weekend where you charmed me in April, I made the decision to come live with you, halfway across the country from anything I recognized as home. I remember being 18 and scared to leave home, but ready for a change. I was surprised at how foreign Minnesota seemed to me then – with pitched-roof houses, idyllic downtown, and friendly faces. And you did your best to make me feel as comfortable as possible. You introduced me to a group of new friends, encouraged me to join clubs, and stayed up late to talk. That fall I was faced with radically new ideas that challenged my opinions and beliefs in a wonderfully refreshing way. As much as I appreciated your early hospitality, I must say, I was less than pleased to be working in Mama Burton’s kitchen late at night. I know you thought it would be a good way for us to bond, but I can’t lie – I hated her cooking.

Then the winter came, a rude reminder of the decision I had made to leave the desert. I was intimidated by stories of “real Minnesota winters” – would this be one? I had all the wrong clothes and was consistently cold from late October until May. That year, I learned the difference between a coat and a jacket, the importance of waterproof shoes, and discovered the glories of pocket hand warmers.

It was a tough first year, but I was so scared of breaking up, trying to find someone new. I wanted this to work and so I dedicated myself to making your home my home. I skated on the Bald Spot, went to hockey games, and watched bones get broken in broomball matches. As I became more comfortable, I met other people who were just like me – a little lonesome, intrigued by all things about you, and wondering if this place was right for them.

It was totally worth it once spring came around. What a magical feeling – the whole world smiles at you with blue skies, flowers bursting to life, and animals stretching in the sun. Once I felt the transformative effects of spring, I knew I would stay. I have never felt such energy in the air. Friends who I hadn’t seen since October were suddenly prancing on the Bald Spot, tossing a Frisbee. Then we always had the awkward exchange of, “Hey, how are you? I haven’t seen you in ages… did you go abroad?” “No…You?” “Nope.” “Oh…” Spring Concert was actually sunny AND warm, and I danced barefoot in the grass, in true Carleton quirky fashion.

Yet, by my third year here, I was getting sick of it. I was bored with the routine of our lives, and was astonished at how quickly the excitement of a new relationship seemed to fizzle out. I wanted to see more of the world, leave Northfield for a while, meet new people. For the first time, I was having serious doubts that you were right for me. So, I chose a program, packed my bags, and left you at the end of the summer.

Italy was just what I needed. I learned a new language, met interesting people, and realized how well we get along and just how lucky I was to have you in my life. By then end of those four months, I knew that you were the one for me, and I could hardly wait to return to you.

This past year was the most exciting yet. I branched out and tried to experience as much as I could. I finished two comps, donated my hair, and spent hours in front of a dictionary trying to come up with the best “P” word to dress up as for birthday parties (“palindrome”). I learned more practical skills like learning to cook, finding a beer that suits my taste, and mastering new dance moves at Ebony. I started to volunteer more, became more active in the Northfield community, and began to feel more comfortable and excited about my independence from you.

You have taught me so much, Dear Carleton – about life, love, and about who I want to be. Because of these past four years, I now have a truer sense of myself and my priorities. You changed me and helped me grow, and I hope I did the same for you.

Carleton, there is one more thing I have to confess. I wish I could honestly tell you that there isn’t someone else, but I know in my heart of hearts that isn’t true. You see, a few months ago I met Grad School online. It is nothing serious, and I definitely do not want to jump right into another long term relationship right now. But I cannot deny my feelings any longer, and I know that it would be unfair to both of us if I stayed.

So, I guess that’s that. This is harder for me than you could ever know. These next few months will no doubt be difficult for both of us. We will have to learn to live on our own, separate our lives from one another. But I really feel it is for the best. I will think of our time together fondly. And please know that you will always have a special place in my heart.

I’m sorry, but it’s over.