This year, the townhouses RA’s have come up with an original way to decorate the doors of their miniature village on the west end of campus. Each door sign, besides containing the names of the residents inside, has a segment from an original Choose Your Own Adventure story. (You all grew up in the 90s – I sure hope you loved these books as much as I did.) At the bottom of each segment, there is a choice of directions the flow of the story could take. To take the choice, you must travel to one of the other doors in the townhouses.
The RAs came up with the idea for the decorations last summer. “We were looking for something original and creative that would get our residents engaged in the community,” says Nate Stephens ’09. The RAs put their heads together and brainstormed the entire storyline in an afternoon. Though I recommend that you check it out for yourself, it’s getting pretty cold outside. Here’s a transcription of Carleton’s very own Choose Your Own Adventure:
Owens 100
It’s Friday afternoon of third week, and you have a free weekend ahead of you. You just finished your physics problem set and got back your philosophy paper that received high marks. As you’re strolling back to your amazing town house, the prime real estate on campus, your bff calls you and invites you to come join them in throwing a Frisbee around the Bald Spot. If you choose to join them on the bald spot, proceed to Colwell 200. If you instead decide to stop by the snack bar, proceed to Eugster 300. There is also a vial of poison on the ground, if you choose to drink it, proceed to Scott 300.
Scott 300
You go Romeo on the world. You die.
Colwell 200
You decide to head on over to the Bald Spot to throw a disc around with friends, as it is a lovely afternoon. You stay for half an hour or so, but you were up late last night working on your physics problem set (as aforementioned), so you decide to call it an afternoon and go back to your baller pad (aka, your town house). On the way back to the house, you pass a very attractive guy/girl who you think might’ve been looking at you. To head over to say hi to them, go to door Hunt 100. To assume they’re looking at someone else or to know that you’re too good for them (and keep going back to your house), head to Nason 100. There is a small rhino off in the distance, to chase it, go to Eugster 100.
Eugster 100
You chased a rhino? Seriously? You die. Duh.
Hunt 100
You walk over to the guy/girl and make small talk about what they did over the summer and their classes this term. After a few minutes he/she invites you over to their equally amazing townhouse. To invite them instead to your townhouse because it’s closer proceed to Scott 100. To accept the invitation and follow them to their townhouse go to Brooks 200.
Brooks 200
Never follow strangers. They eat you. You die.
Scott 100
Two hours later you leave your townhouse with messed-up hair and your shirt on backwards. Feeling invigorated you decide to go for a walk through town. To walk through town for some window-shopping head to door Brooks 100. To walk around St. Olaf proceed to Owens 200. To jump into the Cannon for a brisk swim go to Eugster 400.
Eugster 400
The Malt-o-Meal factory has had a chemical spill in the river. You die.
Owens 200
Thor senses a non-Scandinavian on campus and throws a lightning bolt at you. You die.
Brooks 100
As you’re walking through town you pass a dance studio and see Irish step lessons advertised. You’ve never taken dance lessons before. If you decide to sign up for the dance lessons go to Brooks 300. If you decide against the lessons go to Colwell 100.
Colwell 100
Your significant other invites you to a ball. You slip and fall trying to dane, breaking your leg. Apparently you break it really badly. You die.
Nason 100
As you’re walking home you see a group of masked streakers running across your path holding Schiller high above their heads. To chase after them head to Owens 300. To continue home to finish your physics assignment go to Eugster 200.
Eugster 200
Working on a physics experiment you accidentally create a black hole. You die. Along with the rest of the world.
Owens 300
The Schiller streakers head across the Bald Spot toward Lyman Lakes. You’re gaining on them as they all dive headfirst into the water. To dive in after them go to Dow 200. To give up the chase and head to the Rec Center for a workout head to Collier 100.
Collier 100
You slip while running on a treadmill and are torn to shreds. You die.
Dow 200
After ingesting the toxic waste in the lakes you develop a stomachace and head back home to rest for a while. You wake up the next day feeling fine and meet some friends to prepare for the first Sayles dance of the year. You arrive at the dance and start having a great time. To take off your shirt for “Like a Prayer” go to Brooks 300. To keep your shirt on go to Collier 300.
Brooks 300
OMG, you finally made it home! Now you’re free to finish that physics assignment or enjoy a night out with your friends. All that matters is in the end you return home to your comfortable and beautiful townhouse.
Collier 300
The Sayles dance is really hopping tonight and you suffer a heat stroke. You die.
Eugster 300
You wander on over to the snack bar to pick up an afternoon snack and to see who all is there. You enter into a jam-packed Sayles and search around for friends. You have no luck, so decide to go into the snack bar to pretend like someone is waiting out there for you, and secretly hoping you’ll run into someone you know. While standing in line, you narrow your choices down to three different items on the menu. To order 12,000 mozzarella sticks, go to Dow 100. To order a veggie burger, go to Collier 200.
Dow 100
On mozzarella stick #35 you have a stroke. You die.
Collier 200
You grab your veggie burger and leave the snack bar to meet up with friends. On the way to your friend’s townhouse you get a phone call from your mom reminding you to vote on Tuesday. If you choose to vote in the presidential election proceed to Dixon 100. If you don’t vote go to Hunt 200.
Hunt 200
Dick Cheney goes hunting in Northfield and “accidentally” shoots you in the face. You die.
Dixon 100
After voting you go to visit your physics professor during their office hours. He/She invites you to dinner at their house. When you arrive you discover that the professor is serving raw liver and sauerkraut for dinner. If you decide to eat the meal go to Clader 100. To politely decline go to Dixon 200.
Dixon 200
Your professor fails you for hurting their feelings. Your parents are outraged and stop giving you money. You starve. You die.
Scott 200
A mid-August blizzard blows up (it is Minnesota) and you’re snowed in in the Arb. You die.
