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The Final Patch

April 16, 2009 at 2:05 pm
By Collin Hazlett '12

The persistence of this one spot of snow on the Bald Spot long after the end of winter has been a source of puzzlement and bemusement among Carleton students and staff throughout spring term.  After two fairly warm days in a row, the patch appears to be losing its hold on the grass at last, and so we at Shout decided to interview it before the opportunity disappears to learn what we have all been wondering: what is it doing here?  What are its motives?  Its hopes and dreams?  Its plans for the future?  The transcript of our interview is faithfully reproduced here.

Shout: So you're the last patch of snow remaining on the Carleton campus.

Patch: That's me!

Shout: Mind if we ask you a few questions?

Patch: Not at all.

Shout: What's your favorite color?

Patch: Hmm... kind of off-white, with sparkles mixed in if possible.

Shout: Favorite song?

Patch: Definitely Hazy Shade of Winter- the Bangles cover.

Shout: Huh. All right.

Patch: ...Best song ever.

Shout: Um, forgive us for bringing up what might be a sensitive topic, but you know it's spring, don't you?

Patch: (Sighing) I suppose I have to admit that it's spring now.  At least, it's legally spring.  Whether it's actually spring is still a matter of debate.

Shout: Umm...  It's sunny.  It's warm.  The flowers are blooming.  How can you deny that it's spring?

Patch: Well, I'm here, aren't I?  As long as there's snow on the ground, it MIGHT be winter.

Shout: So you're here to make one last stand for winter?

Patch: You might say that.  I'll fight for winter till the end.  There were even a few exciting moments recently when it snowed a little and it looked like winter might make a comeback. But by now, it's looking more like a losing battle.  By this point, though, it's really not about reclaiming Carleton any more- it's more about making a statement.

Shout: What statement are you trying to make?

Patch: DON'T FORGET ABOUT WINTER!  While you're out enjoying the sun, remember that in less than a year, we'll have blizzards and temperatures below -20 once more!  No matter how warm it gets, it'll still be really, really cold eventually, because winter will rise again!

Shout: No, no!  It's not true!  It's all lies!

Patch: (smugly) Just wait and see... I'll be back next year with a vengeance!

Shout: Okay, one last question: what would you think if someone decided to make a snowball out of you and throw it at someone else?

Patch: That is actually a great honor for a patch of snow... but you'd have to move quickly, I'm mostly melted by now. But I'll be back next year with a vengeance, and then you can make an igloo!

Shout:  Sounds like a plan!  Thanks for the interview!

Patch:  No problem!  I'll be seeing you again soon... maybe sooner than you expect!  Mwahaha!